The End

You know when you cry yourself to sleep and you wake up with huge puffy eyes.... That's what my eyes were like this morning. My heart hasn't hurt like this in the longest time. It's so broken.

Last night James and a little neighbor girl came running in and said that something was wrong with the bunny and that they thought it was dead. Her big sister was on the front porch holding our tiny bunny in her hands, apologetically. She didn't kill it... I gathered something about all the kids being rough with it.... I didn't want to hear anymore.

I just started crying. It's kind of sad when you, the adult, start crying over the family pet. ...James started too. Ashley looked sad, but then they got over it. Ashley even suggested we could get another bunny. ...Yeah, that's not going to happen. ...

A flood of the hurt of loss washed over me.

I loved our bunny. Me and the bunny were tight. It would come to me when I put my hands down in it's box or in front of it in the back yard. It liked fresh cool water. And tiny tomatoes from our volunteer garden. It would sit still forever in my palm as I gently stroked it's puffy, oh so soft fur. It behaved it's self when we brought it in the house in it's clear bin. It was so patient. It never nipped or bit anyone. Although now I wish it would've taken a bite out of all involved in it's demise.


I feel an incredible sense of guilt, as well as loss. I should've been there watching those kids. I should've never let it out of my sight. I should've taught my kids even more about gentleness and standing up for the right, and treating God's little sweet creatures with kindness. I failed. I failed the bunny. And even though I really loved it, I feel so sorry that I brought it home. If I hadn't've it probably would've gone to a great home and lived an abundant, long and happy life.


It was so absolutely sweet. Even now, I can't help but cry.


All this happened like 30 minutes before I had to go with the missionaries to help teach a lesson. I wept for 30 minutes and pulled myself together, and bawled the rest of the night after I got home. (If you're wondering the lesson went great. It was a bit tough to put aside my tears, but I really love our new girls. Harmony is my age and has two girls and she and her mom are ready to be more involved in the gospel. They are super awesome. And it was really wonderful visiting them.) Somehow the Lord throws in blessings in the middle of your sorrow.


You're probably thinking, "Sorrow? Drama, drama, drama, it was just a bunny." But this was no ordinary bunny. This was OUR bunny, meant for us. It was so sweet and perfect. In Anne of Green Gables lingo, it was a true kindred spirit.


This may sound all crazy, but really I haven't been so sad...! The feeling reminds me of when my childhood dog died. Contrary to what I was taught in college, animals have personalities and feelings and bonding is a REAL thing.... I bonded with our bunny. And I truly miss it. And am sorry. So very sorry. And so very, very, sad.


While I was gone Brad put the kids to bed. Even after several Family Home Evening lessons on The Resurrection and the Plan of Happiness I'm not sure James and Ashley really understood death. Brad stayed up with James explaining The Plan again. Maybe they do get it and death is just a step ... not the end. They're Ok and seem to know the bunny is gone but still things are alright. Even if death is a means to the next phase in our eternal span it is tough to be apart of something so innocent and sweet going before you think it's time is up....



I'm sorry. I really don't mean to spread the heartache. But really sometimes this stuff is really hard.